(Unedited) There was a time in my life when I dimmed my light and dumbed myself down to allow someone(s) else to shine. At some point God spoke to me. God be so smooth with it though…lol lol lol. S(he) rolled up on me at a jazz club (yes, The big homie does jazz) and sat next to me with a glass of red wine talmbout, “Stop it. They need to up their game and raise up to your level. Stop stooping down to them and dimming your light cos I will take it away from you.” God was gangsta with it. Later, there was more explaining through meditation, but the initial message was clear.
Point is, I have learned that the gift of Grace, the gift of my talents, and the me of who I am, are blessings, and dimming my light or dumbing myself down are slaps in God’s face. What I have further learned, in my almost 42 years, is that there is a difference between dimming my light and making space for someone else. I had to learn the balance of taking up space and making space.
Since April, I’ve been in the throes of “a shift.” Every eight years this happens in my life. During this time…I bend, things get out of wack, I feel outta sorts. I do not freak out about this anymore, as I know it is a “season.” It’s an emotional cleansing that often manifests itself physically…’92, ’00, ’08, ’16. It was but by God’s grace, and having a solid foundation of boundaries and clarity as a therapist that I made it to the end of the school year. There is a calling on my life and an anointing on the work that I do, so the work I do with my gyrls/students is always protected.
I’m all reflective cos, it is 9 days til my 42nd solar return. I like the number nine because it represents unconditional love. As I continue to countdown to 42 I will continue with my, “what I know for sure…”
Oprah said: Since the day the late Gene Siskel asked me, “What do you know for sure?” …I’ve never stopped asking myself that question.
So, from where I started the post, you can probably guess what I also know for sure, right? It is: “What’s for me, is for me, and do NOT sell myself short or dim my light.” Cliché maybe, but it is truly one of my core knowings. With this knowing is also the Universe shows favor to whomever it wants to show favor to. It ain’t no rhyme or reason from a humon perspective, it’s a God-thing, and it has nothing to do with “hardwork” that is judged by the humons. God’s favor exists on another realm and at the highest of frequencies.
It is Lizz Wright’s song, “God Specializes” that I sip my morning tea with and continue to countdown.