42: Goldenly Blessed…

The bearthday cards are starting to roll in. I’ve gotten 3 or 4 thus far.

I am a lover of cards. So much so, I want expand a line that I started a few years ago.

This particular card, the featured image of this post, is special cos it’s from my mama, and because it’s from my girl’s Jill Scott’s, Mahogany line. I love the Mahogany tagline: “soulful. true. you.”

Though I love Jilly from Philly’s music, I was never a big fan of her song Golden. However, last year I wrote a review after seeing her at a show that was cut short due to a power outage. [Check out my Golden post from last year.]

It was at this concert, two months after my 42nd bearthday, that the lyrics resonated with me. I incorporate music into my therapy groups with my students, and Golden was on heavy rotation.  Year 42, the plan was to live it like it was Golden. It didn’t hit me until right this second that though my 42nd year around the sun was a beast, I spent it “holding onto my freedom.” It wasn’t always pretty and often me holding onto my freedom meant that I had to be vocal even when I wanted to be in the cut.  This bearthday card, though, was a reminder of who and what I am, “goldenly blessed.”

About 42.

[This post elaborates on my Summer Joy ’17 post]

42 ain’t been no punk. I have wanted to punch this year in it’s THOKE! A big juicy karate chop and adult tantrums. I’ve been stretchhhhhhhhhhed and bent in ways I ain’t neva been before, both personally and professionally.

Professionally this is the HARDEST and “WORSEST” YEAR I HAVE EVERRRRRRRRRR HAD, but I grew as a clinician, art therapist, mental health counselor, and a youth development practitioner…and, I grew in the added responsibilities of being a post-secondary coach, and a personal project supervisor to several of my students.

Mind you, I am a school-based counselor/therapist, and I was teaching youth how to write complete sentences, navigate research projects, and how to prepare “personal brand” statements. I didn’t sign up for all of this, in some ways it was a “trick,”lol lol lol lol… and in some ways it happened because of the poor decisions of others, but once it was happening I couldn’t let down my students. Because I’m not the “damsel in distress “chick or eye sweating “crocodile tears” that when I say “this is too much,” I’m not heard until I speak loud words like, “I AM NOT A WORKHORSE NOR AM I A MULE.”

Bloomers, please please please advocate for yourself.

In addition, I did some consulting, and I finally completed the youth development certificate program that I officially started like 6+ years ago. The latter wasn’t planned, but the program was sunsetting so I didn’t have a choice but to complete it. I’ve also presented at several conferences and sat on several panels, some of which ion’t even remember. Lol lol lol.

Oh, and then there’s this thing called health. Ohhhh the stories I have about this. I found myself in urgent care wayyyyyy toooo manyyyyy times this year. Big G and I had plenta conversations that were like diatribes, but my truth is that God’s GRACE, never left me. She has been consistent with her answers.

Let me tell you something, God aint told me “no” and “wait” as much as she has this year in my entire life. “Obedience” has been a recurring word.

She (God) even went so far as to tell me in one situation, “They aren’t using you, I am. This is what I’m telling you to do.”

Tha fugde, seriously God, that’s what we doing now? But on the flip, she was tender and patient with giving and my reception of her discernment. She also reminded me that there were things I’d asked for and she was merely giving them to me. Like really though, all at the same time?

Right now, I’m on deadline for several things and I’m working to finish by the end of the day tomorrow. The level of detachment I’m bout to be on starting day’s end tomorrow until the following week bout to be epic.

Though this is the midpoint of 2017, my calendar year of expanding of manifesting. It is the beginning of my birth year, which runs July to July.

43 will be a much smoother year, because I’m much smoother. I’m walking into this mug in sweet surrender. I’m chilling with God like, “Homie, I surrender.” Which, I’m also a little nervous cos I don’t wanna mess it up. I will have to slowwwwwww it downnnnnn. Which, fear and faith cannot occupy the same space. So I readily choose faith.



nicole jhan’rea






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